A Change In Plans: Mastering the Art of Losing Subscribers
Not the LIVE discussion we were planning. In other words, releasing attachment to outcome in real time.
A few weeks ago, Liza Debevec and I decided to have a LIVE discussion about a common experience. You pour your heart into something, proudly send it out into the world, and promptly loose subscribers. Not always, of course. But, with frustrating frequency and often as a result of the work you are most passionate about.
It was something I wanted to talk about mostly because I wanted to work out my own thoughts about what it means when people unsubscribe. As with everything, I started by putting my thoughts on a page.
Life, being the unpredictable and uncontrollable experience that it is, threw us a curveball this morning by way of a crippling migraine. Poor Liza is down for the count and our discussion is going to have to wait for another day.
Instead, I gathered up my notes and am sharing them with you here. At some point in January, we’ll try again for a LIVE discussion about this topic. You are only getting my very one sided thoughts on the subject, and I know for a fact that Liza also has a lot of insight to offer. By then, of course, the discussion will have changed. It will widen, and grow, and expand, and we’ll probably all be better for it.
Let’s all send Liza some healing energy. These are some of the things I wanted to share with you today. If it brings anything up for you, I’d love for you to leave your thoughts in the comments.
Have the courage to write, or not write, about whatever you like
“The art of being wise is the art of knowing what to overlook.” - William James.
It can feel like caring about everything, being involved in everything, knowing about everything, and having an opinion about everything is what’s demanded of us today.
The truth is that I can’t care about everything. I simply can’t make every cause my cause. It’s not even possible to write about everything I actually care about.
My mom saved a poem I wrote in the 3rd grade about how I was going to save the world.
Friends, I can’t save the world and neither can you.
There will always be critics telling you what you should and shouldn’t care about and what you should and shouldn’t write about. Let them filter themselves out. Let them unsubscribe. You are not for everyone.
Knowing this, we might as well take on projects that are in line with our actual desires - with what you actually really want to do, not what you think you should do. This means doing things you can sustain because you want to keep going even when it’s challenging and murky, and you don’t know where it’s all going to lead.
Your audience is not a concept. It’s real people who resonate with what you care about. They only way for them to find you is if you write about what you care about.
All those unsubscribes are also not a concept. They are real people who don’t resonate with what you care about. Let them go.
The freedom to try new things and make mistakes. Risk nothing, create nothing.
Just this morning I read this line, “There’s no prize for failing to spend your time as you wish.”
Well isn’t that the truth.
The only thing I actually know for sure about creativity is that there is no creativity without doing. You may regret it. You may think it was a mistake. You may regret nothing, and still, it may not work out the way you hoped. None of this matters. It wouldn’t exist in the first place if you didn’t create it.
This of course, is risky. The second you put it out into the world it’s no longer yours to control. The receiving part of your work has nothing to do with you.
This simple realization feels like freedom to me.
Releasing the illusion of control over how something will be received means spending a lot more time immersed in the freedom to try a lot of things, to quit what’s not working, and follow the things that light me up.
Success, whatever that means to you, is largely based on chance. The more chances we give ourselves, the greater the odds that one will land. Experiment widely, build your networks, and embrace uncertainty. Test multiple strategies. Most won’t pay off, but those that do will do so disproportionately.
Let’s pause for a moment to go back to where we started. Trying a lot of things does not mean trying everything. It simply means making choices about about what we really want to do and following through without attachment to outcome. Then doing that again and again and again.
How would you like to spend your time today?
Write without attachment to outcome
I mean, this is the whole story, isn’t it? You have no idea where it’s all going to lead because you have no control over where it’s all going to lead.
So we might as well pay attention to the things that light us up. I am drawn to people who are doing things in the world with passionate energy. So are you and so is your audience.
It’s good to know what you want, but hold loosely your thoughts and expectations about how you’ll get it, if you’ll get it, and where it will come from.
How to view your unsubscribes as evidence that you’re on the right track.
Numbers are simply little pieces of data. Impartial information. We get to decide what they mean and what if it means you’re on the right track?
Maybe you decide that the numbers are telling you you’ve strayed from the thing you really want to write about. Fantastic.
Maybe the numbers are telling you that your list has people on it that aren’t a good fit. Excellent.
Maybe the numbers are prompting you to take that class you’ve been wanting to take, to spend more time perfecting your craft, to get better at the thing you’re most passionate about. Even better.
External validation almost always comes after you’ve done all the important work. And movement of any kind, of people coming and going, opting in and opting out, is evidence that you’re doing the important work.
You are putting things out into the world that are causing a reaction. This deserves a heartfelt congratulations and pat on the back.
Let’s just stop for a moment to appreciate the truth that most people are too afraid to put anything out into the world at all. You are one of the brave souls who is not only putting your work out into the world, you’re receiving a reaction to it. Every single person who unsubscribes is evidence of this.
This is the point in the discussion, if we were LIVE, where I would ask you for your thoughts and read all your comments.
Instead I’ll ask you to leave them here.
What does this bring up for you? Where do you disagree? What has been left unsaid and incomplete?
I missed seeing you both this morning. Oh, @lizadebevec, sending healing energy for the highest level wellness - soon.
I had an interesting parallel to the Unsubscribe discussion. I raced to the library when a book I was really intrigued with became available. Both the author and the book were highly, highly regarded. Couldn't wait to start reading it.
I discovered almost immediately that I just couldn't read it. It was written in little stream of consciousness phrases, and they were disjointed. I read on, hoping to find the point where I could engage and all would be made clear. Didn't happen.
The Unsubscribe thing must be similar. In my case, It was simply the form of writing - the author's VOICE in this particular medium - that didn't speak to me. Her actual speaking voice sounds like a meditation which is one of the things that attracted me. She's written other award-winning books and I'll search those out.
An author is in no way lessened by the fact that some readers don't relate to or understand her style. We all get to choose; some choices work, others don't.
As a somewhat new author in a public forum, though, losing subscribers or feeling stagnated is often a hard pill to swallow. Anxious for your conversation in January.
Sometimes the unsubscribes have nothing to do with you as a writer or a person. Sometimes people just blindly unsubscribe because their email box is full. It's all ok. Let people make their choices on how they want to receive (or not receive) your content. And focus on all the new subscribers who are coming down the line.